A little perspective....

Hey all! I know I don't write in here enough. But I have been having some thoughts recently that I wanted to share. If it seems to you that I am learning the same lesson over and over again, I am. I guess I'm slow.

I've been learning a lot this year so far. We're half way through the year and I've already passed my goal of reading 20 books. I've been learning so much in these books about the value of education, the importance of real human connection, the struggles that different people have gone through, and ultimately to love others more and judge them less. If anyone needs book recommendations, let me know.

I've also been learning a lot about service. I have realized that service is not only good for those you serve, but it lifts you as well. I love that I've had so many opportunities to serve this year so far. At times I have grumbled about them, but when I just get to work and serve someone else, I always find that I am happier for it. Now, making yourself happy should not be the reason you serve, but I think seeing someone else better off and learning to love them more makes service all worth it.

One other thing that I wanted to mention is a lesson that has really stuck out to me the last couple months:

The Lord can make more out of your time that you can ever plan for yourself. 

I really believe that.

Recently I have been looking back on the past year. Jon and I have almost been married one year. It’s been an incredible year. When we first got married, I wasn’t sure how we would be able to see each other, but we made time and it all worked out so much better than I could have imagined. Don’t get me wrong. It was hard at times to almost never have a day off from work or school, but we made it work and somehow even found time to go on lots of adventures. I have no idea how that all happened. And we've had awesome experiences to serve each other. I look back and can see how much we’ve grown closer to each other and to God. 

At the beginning of 2017, Jon and I looked at our goals and I just about had a meltdown. We had so much that had to line up just perfectly, so that all our other goals could work out. I had to get a nursing job (a process that stressed me out to no end), pass the NCLEX—a test that decides if you become a nurse or not—on the first try so that we could go on a humanitarian trip, and then start my job a week later, all while planning for Jon to quit his job in the fall and start his MBA 50 miles south of where we currently lived. I could go on, but you get the point. There was a lot to plan for and I didn’t trust my abilities to get it all done in the timing we had planned on.

The first six months of this year were challenging, but I was determined to do all I could to make it all work. I studied hard for my NCLEX test (even though I felt like I was making no progress- that test is impossible to understand). During the time when I was studying for the test, I began to pray every time I prayed to be able to pass the NCLEX. Each morning I pleaded with God to help me and I told Him the reasons why it was important to me. During those few weeks I experienced some very tender moments, when I felt as if I was being strengthened beyond my abilities. There was one particular moment where I felt that I had so many people seen and unseen that were cheering me on and literally opening paths for me that I couldn’t see. It was a transformative moment for me. 

I felt nervous to take the test, but I knew that I had done all I could and that Heavenly Father was 100% on my side. I took the test and ended up with the best possible outcome, though I can’t tell you if I got even one of those 75 questions right or not. I know that He was with me. 

I felt that strength also when we went to Peru for humanitarian work. I felt like my Spanish came back almost immediately, even though I had not been practicing it like I should have for years. And we met so many incredible individuals and had some very sweet moments.

In the end, all the things we needed to line up perfectly REALLY did lined up perfectly. 

Now with the future again looking a little daunting, I feel confident that it will be doable. Not just doable, but it will be great. I’ve started officially working as a nurse (YAY!) in a cancer unit like I’ve always dreamed of. I’m seriously loving it. It is a dream come true! But next month I will start working night shifts and Jon will start his MBA. Though it feels like we won’t ever see each other, I know that all will be well. Heaven is on our side.

As I’ve been thinking about this schedule change, one thought has come back to me time and time again: 

Do not complain about the blessings that you have. 

At first I was complaining about my new job and that I would never see my husband. But in all reality, what I am seeing as burdens, are really blessings. I have been given the opportunity to work as a nurse, something I have wanted for 10+ years. And I have a really good marriage, something that not everyone has. Though I may have to go days at a time without seeing my husband, I need to just be grateful that I have him. And I am. He's the best thing in my life! I also have a million other blessings that stare me in the face daily as a reminder that come what may, I know God will be with me.

My point is God is faithful. I look back on every period of my life and see moments that He blessed me. He has been there through EVERYTHING. And He has helped me accomplish some major goals that seemed impossible at times. He has taught me that "with God nothing shall be impossible", (Luke 1:37).

I hope each person who reads this can look back on their lives and see these moments. Sometimes it takes a real search to find Him. Sometimes our lives may seem full of darkness, but He is there. Look for the silver lining. That is Him. He is always there. Love the life He has given you.

As He has told us, “I will not forget thee….I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands", (1 Nephi 21: 15-16).

Comparison

It’s been a while since I have posted here. It’s been a busy year and that’s my excuse. Lots of miracles and blessings have been happening that have changed my life forever.

I dated and married Jonathan Hardy. I finished my second and third semesters of nursing school (just took my last final for this semester Wednesday! Woot!). I have felt so blessed!

Okay, so life hasn’t been perfect, but through it all, there have been so many blessings. So many that it’s hard to count them all!

Recently I have been feeling like it was time to post something again. I’ve had some ideas, but this morning it has hit me hard that there is something I need to write. I hope what I have to say touches someone.

Through this new transition from single status to marriage, I have learned a lot. Specifically about comparison. And that’s what I want to talk about here.

Having someone else around, both he and and I have noticed how often I compare myself to others. And any time I do compare myself to others, it’s never a good idea. It always leaves me with a sour feeling and does not help my confidence or my ability to focus on others. Instead it leaves me feeling discouraged and jealous. And it leaves me feeling like there’s always more that I need to be doing.

I’ve noticed it in myself with my friends in nursing school. Even when I did well on an exam, when I find out that they did better I often feel worse about myself. I wonder what I’m doing wrong or why I didn’t do as well. And I get discouraged. I tell myself, maybe you’re not as smart as them, maybe you should study more, etc.

Recently I have been surrounded by some incredible people. I look at so many of these incredible men and women who have the most wonderful lives and are involved in so many good things and I wish I was like them. I wonder why I don’t have things all figured out like they do. I see all my weaknesses and wonder if I will ever measure up. And it distances me from my love for myself, from my relationships with other people, and from God.

Well, I think a lot of us do this. Maybe not in the same ways that I am suggesting, but in our own personal ways, comparison robs us of confidence, peace, and self-love.

Here are some thoughts I’ve found recently that have helped me:

While watching the LDS General Women’s Meeting I listened to a talk by Jean B. Bingham that really touched me about seeing others and ourselves in a positive light. She talked about love and withholding judgment and seeing people in a higher light.

 Sometimes…we look at what others might have or be and feel we are less in comparison. We    become focused on the Pinterest or Instagram (isn’t this silly, but true?) versions of life or caught up  in our school’s or workplace’s preoccupation with competition. However, when we take a moment to “count [our] many blessings,” we see with a truer perspective and recognize the goodness of God  to all of His children.

From that talk I thought about the damage that comparison was doing, not only to my self-esteem, but with my relationship with others. It was keeping me from looking for good in others and myself.

With those thoughts on my mind, I heard this quote from Elder. J. Devn Cornish:

 Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture  ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we  do or don’t have and by the opinions of others…The only opinion of us that matters is what our  Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and  correct but never discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.

From this quote and talk I was reminded of the need to look to God for my worth and not to others. And that was a freeing thought. It let me look for good in myself and in my efforts. It let me be kinder to myself when I didn’t measure up to others.

The scripture Ether 12:26-27 from the Book of Mormon was shared with me recently in regards to comparison. It says,

 …the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for    the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they    may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they  humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto  them.

The speaker shared that the Lord does not give us weaknesses so that we will feel discouraged. He does not want us to compare our faults to others' strengths, but instead to humbly be grateful for them because they bring us closer to our Savior.

One thing that has touched me so much in our marriage is Jon’s confidence in me. When he asks me about my day he somehow always seemed amazed at what I accomplish. Even when it doesn’t seem like much. And more than that, he doesn’t measure success on what I do, but on who I am. He sees me in a way that I think Heavenly Father sees us all. When I confide in him my insecurities about not being good enough he points out the good in me. He points out that though my strengths may be different than someone else, that I have much to offer the world. And when I feel that way, I stop focusing on myself and turn my thoughts to others.

Theodore Roosevelt famously said:

    “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”  

Isn’t this so true?! Comparison does take the joy out of your life. It takes away joy from the successes you are having. It causes you focus on how you weren’t quite as good as someone else. And it also takes away from the joy of other’s successes because you are too inwardly focused to be happy for them.

Which leads me to one aspect of comparison that I have been miffed about. It is the fact that when we compare ourselves to others, we do not celebrate when others succeed. We see something good happening in another’s life and we think of how much we want that same thing in our life. We don’t let them relish in their moment of joy.

Let’s not take away their joy just to wallow in our own self pity. Why not be grateful that God has blessed them with so much? Why not be inspired by seeing the hand of God in their lives or let them relish in their accomplishment? Chances are it took a lot of hard work and help from Heaven to get where they are. Maybe they too felt discouraged when their blessing didn’t come the way they wanted it to. And now that they have received the blessing, why not let them celebrate?

I have noticed at times these negative thoughts and they have not lifted me up or encouraged me to lift up others. And lifting others, rather than ourselves, should be our focus.

How…glorious can be the sincere compliment of a friend, the cheerful greeting of a parent, the     approving nod of a sibling, or the helpful smile of a co-worker or classmate, all supplying fresh “wind in our sails” as we battle the challenges of life! 

*Read the rest of this quote here.

One of the songs that has come up a lot on my Christmas playlist is a song by Sara Bareilles, someone who always writes such eloquent lyrics, Love is Christmas. One part has hit home to me. It says,

Why so scared that you’ll mess it up

when perfection keeps you haunted?

All you need is your best, my love,

it’s all anyone ever wanted.

I thought of how much of a perfectionist I have become. I thought of how because of my busy schedule and comparing myself with others, I have allowed myself to pay more attention to my list of things to do than to those around me. And I realized that should not be my focus.

This Christmas and this new year my focus will be on being present, not perfect.

At this Christmastime, I want to propose that we stop looking at others with jealousy, but with compassion and understanding. And I also propose that we take some time to, as Justin Bieber said so eloquently (haha), “love ourselves”. Ask the Lord how He feels about you. I can guarantee that you will feel a deep sense of love. But seriously, what the world needs more of is love. Love for ourselves, love for God, and love for those around us.

“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”

Thomas S. Monson