It’s been a while since I have taken up writing. I mostly don’t feel like I have time to write or space in my brain to process everything going on or everything I am learning. It’s been a tough year and we’ve all gone through so much. I wrote a blog post early in the pandemic about all the good that had come of the pandemic so far. I’ve since wondered if that was insensitive, since so many are struggling in so many ways and it doesn’t always help to hear about other people’s blessings when you are in a hard place. I’ve thought so much about what I could write about to help myself process and to maybe put some good out into the world, and have never been sure just what to write. But today, I was looking at my notes and I figured something was better than nothing. So here it is.
For me, when I’m struggling, it often helps to learn things that I can do to keep going. To keep holding on. There have been many things that I have learned and many things I have turned to this last year that have helped me to handle some of the weight of all that is happening in my life and in the world. These ideas I’ll share may be helpful for you and they may not, so if this doesn’t enlighten you, that’s totally fine. Keep doing what you’re doing and know that God is there to help. I don’t think I am an expert on these things, but I have found some different ideas that have helped me over the past year, and I thought I might help someone by sharing them.
I know we’re all barely hanging on right now. It’s been a long year and we’re not sure of the future. We all need to give ourselves a little bit of grace for how it has gone. The first thing I’ll share that I have loved is Morgan Harper Nichols and all her positive thoughts. Here are a couple nuggets that she posted recently on Instagram:
“Give yourself some credit. Be proud of yourself for all the little ways you’ve learned to find joy in the waiting.” (Feb 23)
“I am making the brave decision to keep going anyway.” (Feb 17)
“The time you are taking right now to embrace your slow and steady growth matters more than you know.” (Feb 5)
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Recently I read the book Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. One of their big takeaways from the book is the idea of completing the cycle of an emotion. Here’s how they describe it :
“Instead of hitting the brake on our stress, we gently remove our foot from both the accelerator and the brake and allow ourselves to coast to a stop. TO do that, you create the right context and trust your body to do its thing...Emotions are like tunnels: you have to walk all the way through the darkness to get to the light at the end.”
I see this as allowing stress to flow through your body, instead of stuffing it down until it boils up to bursting.
Here are some ideas they give that may help you “complete the cycle” of your emotions:
-Run, walk, or other physical activity
-Sleep
-Meditation or mindfulness
-Allowing a good cry (But don’t wallow in it)
-Art
-Self-kindness
I’ve tried this and it has sincerely worked. When I’m dealing with disappointment and I have allowed myself to grieve the loss, I more quickly can move on from those feelings, then if I tried to talk myself out of the grief.
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Philippians 4:6-7 has been one of my go-to scriptures.
“Be careful for nothing*; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
*Footnote: Don’t be unduly concerned about anything.
When I can’t find control in my life. When I don’t have answers, I know that God somehow does understand. I know that I can turn to Him and He will give me the strength I need.
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I have owned the book Good to Great by Jim Collins for years now and never read it. I put in on my “must read” list this year to make it finally happen. I read it about a month ago and was surprised at how many of these business principles were applicable to everyday life. One that really stuck out to me was the Stockdale Paradox.
The idea behind the Stockdale Paradox is to have faith that you will succeed in the end, but not to put limits on what that means. No matter what obstacles you may face, you cannot let those discourage you.
The idea comes from a man who was a prisoner of war for 12 years. He observed many people come into the camp while he was there. Some would come in saying “we will be out of here by Christmas”. When that came and went, they would say, “we’ll be out of here by Easter”, and that would come and go. Eventually they just gave up because their expectations weren’t met. But the man decided that he would keep his unwavering faith that, no matter when and no matter what the obstacles he faced, he eventually would get out. And he did. He was one of the only people the survive the camp.
For me, I’ve had similar thoughts with the pandemic. I first thought, this will be done by May, then by July, etc. My date just kept getting pushed back further and further and I kept grieving over and over again and becoming more and more hopeless. I liked the idea of the Stockdale Paradox because it allows me to keep having hope that things will get better, but not set a date for that to happen.
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I kind of feel like I’m over sharing ideas here, but I don’t want to leave out some very inspiring and motivating talks from the October 2020 General Conference from my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. I won’t say too much about them here, but feel free to click on the link and go read them for yourself. They touch on turning to God to become more like Him, and on our relationships with others.
Becoming Like Him by Scott D. Whiting
Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work, and Count it All Joy! by Jeremy R. Jaggi
By Union of Feeling We Obtain Power with God by Sharon Eubank (She is amazing!)
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Lastly, I have been thinking about how each person on this planet at some level can understand the struggles of another during this time. We are all facing the same struggle. And we’re facing it together. I’ve heard it called collective trauma. Each person has experienced some form of heartache because of this pandemic. Some have lost jobs, some have lost people they love, and we’ve all lost time, and sense of peace, and a feeling of closeness with those around us. It has been so hard for us all, yet, on the other end of it is a loving God who somehow has the power to reach us each individually. Even when we all are suffering. He can still touch us one by one. He can touch our hearts and help us heal, however slowly that may be.
I know that some may wonder how an all-knowing God could let this happen to His children, and I can’t claim to know why, but I love the scripture verse in the Book of Mormon that says, “I know that he (God) loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:17). Sometimes that small reminder that God loves us all is enough for me to take that next small step forward into the dark, knowing that somehow He will be right there with me.
Since we are all suffering, let’s try to share compassion with others who are feeling the same way. There doesn’t need to be a shortage of compassion in the world, especially when we all understand something of what the other person may be going through.
Brené Brown said it best:
“I’ve learned a lot from research about the danger of comparative suffering and the race to misery. If we believe empathy is finite, like pizza, and practicing empathy with someone leaves fewer slices for others, then perhaps comparing levels of suffering would be necessary. Luckily, however, empathy is infinite and renewable. The more you give, the more we all have. That means all pain can be met with empathy- there’s no reason to rank and ration.”
I sincerely hope that you are doing okay. That you see some light at the end of the tunnel. That you give yourself some grace. That you let things go. That you rest. That you find something to laugh about, even when you are so tired and worn out. I’m trying to do the same.
